(Synth) Shaun
by TheWriterOfFira
Summary: Young Shaun must decide where he really belongs when he discovers he is a synth.
1. Prologue

" _Am I not really her son_?" is the question at the root cause of a two-year long pain.

It first started with a small seed in Shaun's mind. _Am I a synth_? He had no reason to think this, he blamed the thought on common wasteland paranoia. And he excused the thought on the same reason.

Shaun had been in Sanctuary for two weeks the first time Sturges told him he was a synth. When Shaun asked how he knew, Sturges tells him: He couldn't age, he couldn't remember parts of his childhood.

 _That_ struck a chord with him. Shaun couldn't remember any parts of being younger. But that's easy to explain, and he can come up with many excuses for why. Not aging, though, would take time to prove.

Flash forward to one year; he's eleven, and he would swear on his life that he doesn't look any different. He wouldn't have noticed this too much if Duncan, his step-brother, wasn't growing like crazy. Duncan had lost two baby teeth, and had grown several inches. His mom would mark their heights on the door frame of their room. Duncan, growing slightly every few months. Shaun was stuck at 4'8".

He fears if he were to bring this up to his mom, he figures he would be struck with a 'late growth spurt' talk. And he does _not_ want to talk about growth spurts with his mom. Gross.

Now he's turning twelve. It's been two years since his mom and the Minutemen destroyed the Institute. Sometimes, he'll think back to the first time he met his mom. _In_ the Institute. It is a downright weird story of how they finally were reunited. His kidnapping, how she overcame losing her husband—his father—and saved him and the Commonwealth. And the coolest part of the story; how she survived the bombs. He guesses he did too, but Shaun doesn't remember it.

Shaun would never tell his mom about feeling that way, having that question. Not for a second has he thought he's been brave enough to bring it up.

But after all this time, he still wonders: " _Am I not really her son_?"


	2. Stuck at 4'8

Duncan lost another baby tooth and as a result, was starting to develop a lisp—Shaun notices it the first time he mispronounces, "bitch."

He would murmur it under his breath as they would walk down the streets of Sanctuary. Anytime he was mildly upset and their parents weren't around; "Son of _bith_!"

He remarks it again that morning. They were in their bedroom. Shaun is working on a new gun mod, humming happily to D.C radio. Nearby was Duncan, laying on his bed, reading a _Grognak_ comic. When suddenly, another: " _bith_."

"Hmm?" Shaun murmurs, back turned, keeping most of his focus on his project.

"This comic has missing pages," Duncan huffs.

Shaun begins to secure the new scope onto the musket; Night vision and a new targeting system. He hopes Preston is going to be happy with his new order.

Duncan hops off the bed, popping his head up to look at the gun. "How is it coming?"

Shaun doesn't respond. He reaches for some duct tape at the edge of his desk, considering it.

Duncan pokes his side. "Shaun?"

Shaun notices his brother at his side now. "Huh? Oh, it's good. Gimme two minutes, I'm almost done," he assures.

Duncan grabs the screwdriver off the desk, playing with it in his hands for a moment. "This isn't gonna be like 'two minutes' from last week, right? You know when you said two minutes, and you tooked, like, _five_ years."

Shaun looks at his brother and makes a face. Duncan hands off the screwdriver and Shaun uses it to tightens the bolts that hold in the scope. "Preston needed a new scope for when he and mom leave for the Castle next week. He trusted me with this, I want him to like it."

Duncan huffs. "We're still playing at Red Rocket before the party tonight, right?"

Shaun clicks in the last mod for the gun, finished. He slips it into his duffle bag and slings it on his shoulder. "Ready! C'mon, we can go."

Duncan smiles, following Shaun out of their room. They walk out of the house together. It's another gorgeous summer day in Sanctuary. Together, they walk down the street. Past the busy Minutemen, bustling, and their brahmin—all the way down to town hall.

It's mostly empty. They shuffle through a few Minutemen to get inside the General's office. Shaun knocks twice on the door before entering. Inside, Preston is talking with his mom.

"Hi, mom," Shaun chirps, unhooking the duffle bag strap off his shoulder. Duncan goes right up to the General's desk and makes himself at home on the big chair, his hands already searching the desk for treats or pens.

"Hey, sweetie! Happy birthday," Elenora smiles, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

Shaun wiggles away from it. " _Mom_ ," Shaun laughs embarrassedly. He sets the bag on the floor and zips open the duffle, pulling out the newly modded gun.

"I fixed your scope, Mr. Garvey," Shaun says proudly. "Added night vision, and a new suppressor!"

In the Institute, finding broken things and fixing them originally came from a place of boredom rather than curiosity. But when Shaun started getting things working, something in him switched. Sure, it began with trial and error, but the errors became fewer and fewer as the weeks went by. Broken lamps switched to radios. And now he was learning how to make some caps from doing gun modifications.

He hands the laser musket off to him. Preston takes it in his hands, examining it. "Looks great, Shaun. How much do I owe you for it?"

"It's free if you let me come with you guys to the Castle next week," Shaun says hopefully, clamping his hands together.

His mom chuckles, "not happening, kid."

Shaun's smile vanishes, he folds his arms. "Twenty caps."

Preston pulls out a bag from inside his coat pocket and throws it at him. Shaun catches it. He peaks inside quickly, counting it all up—finding ten extra caps inside. He looks up and sees Preston giving him a wink. Shaun smiles back.

"So what are you guys talking about?" Shaun says, shoving it in his pocket.

"Plans for the Castle run," Preston says. "We're gonna take a brahmin over for the supplies run."

Elenora nods. "But I was just about to bring up your birthday party tonight," she says. "I want you home at five to help set up, okay?"

"Sure, mom," he says. Right then, Duncan hops away from the desk and tugs on Shaun's sleeve. Without hesitation, he lets him hook his arms around his neck and Duncan climbs up for a piggyback ride.

Elenora chuckles to herself, ruffling Duncan's hair lovingly. "You excited for tonight, Dunc?"

Duncan nods fiercely. "Codsworth is making a cake."

"Codsworth makes the best cake," Elenora agrees.

Shaun smiles, tells them goodbye, and heads out the door with Duncan on his back.

Duncan points towards the bridge, "Alright. Now to Red Rocket."

"Okay," Shaun says, adjusting him on his back. He trudges over there, balancing Duncan. "What do you want to play?"

Duncan lets out an unusually long, " _uuuhhh_ " before finally settling on "Red Menace?"

Shaun smiles, "You're going down."

" _You're_ going down!" Duncan retorted, giggling.

Shaun and Duncan usually had game-tape battles over at Red Rocket since the terminal over there didn't have to be used for business. Nobody would bother them over there with having to type down reports on the computer or needing to take out a wire to power another generator here or there. They both liked the personalness of it.

They aren't allowed to leave Sanctuary alone, so Shaun has to go find MacCready. They find him inside the greenhouse. Once he spots him, Duncan scrambles off Shaun's back and runs to hug his legs.

MacCready laughs, surprised. "Oh! Hey bud," he leans down to hug him back. He spots Shaun and smiles wider. Shaun goes in to hug him too, and the three of them are all wrapped up together.

MacCready breaks apart first, "Hey, little man! Happy birthday," he smiles a big toothy grin. "I can't believe you're twelve already."

That thought comes back in his head. He shakes his head, disregarding it, smiling, "I know, it's pretty awesome, right?"

"Not to brag or anything, but I got you a pretty friggin' awesome present," MacCready leans down just enough so only Shaun can hear him. "Had to get permission from the very top," he winks.

Shaun's eyes widen in excitement. "What'd you get?"

"It's a surprise. You'll find out in a couple hours," MacCready says. "So what are you guys up to?"

"Can we go to Red Rocket?" Duncan says. "Please, dad?"

"Yeah, I'm basically finished up here," MacCready says. "I'll walk you guys over."

The three of them walk down the road past all of the little shops set up in Sanctuary. They pass the caravaneers who sell pre-war trinkets, the ammo shack, and the butcher with bloody lumps of radstag meat on display. At Duncan's request, MacCready purchases two sticks of Sanctuary "street-meat" (squirrel on a stick) for them.

Past the turret defense and through the gate into Sanctuary, they come out on the old bridge and straight over the cracked, old road to Red Rocket.

MacCready asks them how they're both doing, and he sounds really excited to talk to them both. That was one of Shaun's favorite things about MacCready. He _really_ did love talking to them. Aside from his mom, MacCready was just an adult he could talk to. Shaun doesn't know his real dad, but if he did, he bets he'd be just as funny as Mac.

When they get to Red Rocket, they head straight for the abandoned gas stations backroom where the terminal is. It is decked out in lights and rugs and posters that Shaun and Duncan like. _Silver Shroud_ , _the_ _Unstoppables_ , all the greats.

Duncan checks inside the file cabinets to make sure _Red Menace_ is still in there. Bingo. Right underneath a few other game tapes, their parents had collected over the years.

MacCready lays down on a couch and pulls out a comic from the shelves while Shaun sets it up.

They take turns playing it. When one of them dies, the other one gets to play and vice versa.

Shaun tries to duck from a rolling bomb, but his player gets rolled over and loses a life. He groans in frustration and scoots over for Duncan to play.

Duncan is really good at Red Menace. He knows he'll be out for a while, so he stands up to walk around Red Rocket.

He heads into the garage to see if there are any toys or game tapes for them to play afterward. He peaks over the shelves, filled with all sorts of things from his mom's adventures. There are tools, and pieces of junk assorted throughout the garage.

He spots a cardboard box underneath the bed. There's a tarp covering the bed and the box, so he goes to pull out the box, and finds a whole bunch of holotapes inside. Shaun lights up, thinking there might be another game-tape inside.

Shaun kneels down, shifting around some junk and old tapes. He pushes away some old toys, some stray folders, and starts looking at each holotape title to find something worthwhile.

He looks at each holotape before putting them back, wondering what they are. A few aren't super important. There's one for a story about squirrels, another for a song. But his eyes do a double-take when he sees his name written on one of them.

' _Shaun's holotape_ ', written in neat handwriting.

He looks up, he's alone. He looks down at the holotape again, rubbing the plastic with his thumb.

"Shaun?" Duncan's voice echoes from the backroom. "I died, it's your turn!"

Shaun squints at the little object. He doesn't know what it is, but… it had his name on it. Maybe it was a birthday present his mom was saving for him.

He sticks it in his pocket. He stands up, and pushes the cardboard box with his foot, back under the bed.

Shaun finds his way to the backroom. MacCready's fixed on his comic, and Duncan has the game paused for him.

He sits down at the terminal, trying to focus on the game, but Shaun is only thinking about the weird holotape his mom saved.

* * *

When you would arrive at Shaun's birthday party, you were greeted with a party hat. No matter what your age, one would be slapped on your head with a tight string gripping your chin.

The party is held at their house. Diamond City's radio is put on the loudest volume it can go. The chatter from all the guests made the house seem to rumble.

The adults at the party are Minutemen officers, friends of the family. There are kids too, but not a lot. Since people never stayed in Sanctuary long, it became a Minutemen outpost. A trading hub. A place to stay for a few nights if you were heading down to Diamond City. Caravans never brought kids his age, so he mostly hung around Duncan. And Nat if her and her older sister came into town for the week.

MacCready pulls at the string, taking the party hat off his head. Pushing himself through the crowd of people in their home, he finds Elenora in the kitchen. She's sticking some little wax candles into Shaun's birthday cake-exactly twelve candles. He doesn't know why that was so important that they scavenged that many, but once she mentioned it was a 'pre-war' thing, he felt it unimportant to argue against it more.

"How's it going?" He says over the noise, "you need any help?"

Elenora smiles when she sees him. "Hey," she says warmly. She leans up to peck his lips, then sticks the last candle in the cake. "Do you have a lighter on you?"

He nods, pulling one from his pocket, setting it on the counter. Then he looks over the crowd of people, "Did we invite everyone in Sanctuary?" he jokes.

Elenora chuckles, "Seems like it."

Elenora turns to look over the crowd, searching for her son. He's on the couch with Duncan and Nat.

MacCready and Elenora talk for a few minutes. Then, when it's time to serve cake, MacCready turns the lights off, Shaun and everyone gathers around the cake. The crowd sings happy birthday to him, and when it's done Shaun blows out all the candles and Piper snaps a picture on her camera. In a few minutes, a polaroid shot gives out a nice picture that Shaun gets to keep.

"What'd you wish for?" Elenora asks him as Codsworth cuts the first slice of cake.

"Mom, that's a secret," Shaun replies.

She shrugs. "I had to try," she says with a wink.

When the time for presents come, Shaun sits on the couch, everyone's gathered around him.

Elenora and MacCready are sure theirs is the first one he looks at. MacCready hands it off to him, he says thanks before ripping off the wrapping paper. Inside is a hat. Correction, a captain's hat.

"Thanks, guys!" Shaun smiles and puts it on his head. It's a little bigger than him, (made for an adult) so he has to work to push it off his eyes.

"Read what's on the inside of the cap," Elenora tells him.

Shaun takes it off. Inside, there's a little flap of paper he missed tucked around the sides. He frowns slightly, "a poem?"

She nods, smiling.

He reads aloud the last part of the stanza. She's highlighted it. "'... _I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul_ '."

"It's _Invictus_ ," she tells him. "A very old poem."

Shaun figures his mom would have stuck a poem in his birthday present. She was super into that stuff. He thinks it's kind of cheesy, but hey, that was his mom. Stuffing it back on his head, he thanks his mom and the rest of the evening follows.

MacCready goes after. He's gifted him a BB gun. "Lessons too!" he promises which makes Shaun burst with excitement. Elenora tells him he has to wear goggles when he practices, and he's less excited.

Curie gets him a matching lab coat. Preston got him some scavenged toys. Duncan's given him a box of _Fancy Lads_ , (half-eaten). Elenora and MacCready sit at the counter, watching him happily. Their hands are clasped for the entire evening. Shaun's beaming from ear to ear, he thinks this is one of the best days he's had in forever.

* * *

When the party has begun to die down, and everyone is heading home for the night, Codsworth is the one to sweep up discarded hats and party favors. Shaun helps his mother with the dishes as MacCready goes to wrangle Duncan in for bed.

It takes a while to clean up, but Shaun doesn't mind. When he's finished drying the dishes, Shaun leaves to put away his birthday gifts. He enters his room quietly, MacCready is sprawled on the tiny twin mattress, Duncan on his chest, with a comic left unfinished.

Shaun tiptoes in, puts his things on his desk, arranging them nicely.

There's a soft knock on the door and Shaun turns and sees his mom in the doorway.

"Well, I think I'm finished for the night," Elenora says. She takes out her hair clip and shakes out her hair. "Want to watch a holodisk?"

Shaun gingerly nods. "Can I pick?"

The light from the TV buzzed, showing an old pre-war detective movie—one of Shaun's favorites. The main character reminded him of Mr. Valentine.

He's wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, his head on his mom's shoulder. Her fingers combed through his hair, and he felt so safe like he could practically fall asleep at any moment.

"Did you have fun today?" His mom asks, her voice soft.

"Mmmm hmmm," Shaun nods. "I liked the captain's hat."

"Ah," she smiles. "It was MacCready's idea, the pre-war poem was mine. We found it while scavenging this harbor near the Castle."

Shaun nods. He opens up a package of the Fancy Lads Duncan got him, chowing down on a snack cake. He offers one to his mom, and they finish the whole box together.

His mom fell asleep first—passed out like a light on the couch. Once the movie is done, he moves away as best as he can to avoid waking her up. He yawns, rubbing his eyes. He's about to just go to bed when he spots his mom's Pip-boy on the counter. An idea warms itself in his head.

He walks back to his bedroom, and MacCready's still there on Duncan's bed, snoring away. Shaun goes over and nudges him.

"MacCready?" he whispers.

He yawns, "what's wrong?"

"Mom fell asleep on the couch, can you get her?"

He waits a second, eyes blinking. Then scoots Duncan off himself, and walks out of the room.

He watches MacCready—struggle at first—but pull her up, and carry her back to their bedroom. Shaun's already got his hands on the Pip-boy, but a minute later, MacCready comes back out. He puts his hand on his shoulder and goes, "do you want me to tuck you in?"

Shaun shakes his head, "I'm okay."

On a normal night, MacCready would wait until Shaun was in his bed, tucked in and comfortable before heading to bed himself, but he looks so exhausted that he doesn't. Instead, he kisses the top of his head, murmurs, "go to bed soon, okay?"

He affirms he will, and MacCready hobbles down the hallway.

Shaun waits until he hears snoring. He hops onto the couch and takes out the holotape he's been saving since this morning. He reads the writing one last time, ' _Shaun's holotape_ ', and plops it in. He turns down the volume really low and presses play.

A voice comes out. But it's not his mom's, which is off-putting. He thought it'd be his mom on the other side of the tape. Like she had made a tape for him the way his dad made one for her.

The voice on the tape is Father.

" _If you are hearing this, then whatever conflicts you and I have endured are over. I have no reason to believe you'll honor the request I'm about to make, but I feel compelled to try anyway. This synth, this... boy. He deserves more_."

Shaun's heart stops. His stomach _rolls_. Immediately, he regrets finding the tape. He wants to pop it out and throw it away.

" _He has been re-programmed to believe he is your son. It is my hope that you will take him with you. I would ask only that you give him a chance. A chance to be a part of whatever future awaits the Commonwealth._ "

The tape, as quickly as it starts, ends just as suddenly. Shaun takes a deep breath. Then another. He wants to scream, but his voice is caught in his throat. Instead, he begins to cry. Big, fat tears roll down his cheeks. He's sobbing quietly, and he can't stop himself. He didn't think he was _really_ a synth, it was just a thought he had every now and again.

He knows what tape this is now. This is the tape he gave his mom after everything with the Institute went down, this is the tape he promised he didn't listen to. If only he knew then…

He plays it again, just to make sure he heard right. He wipes his nose on his sleeve, and listens intently, turning up the volume. Then, he hears that part again. " _This synth… reprogrammed to believe he's your son_."

He hears a _cre-ee-eaking_ sound from the hallway. He looks in the corner of his eye, and his mother is standing there. She looks like she's about to cry, too.

In response, his raises the Pip-boy in his hands. His nose is running now. He sniffs, and between sobs, says, "what is this?"

She comes over, wraps her arms around him. He buries his face in her shirt, and she holds him for a few minutes. She rubs his back, kisses his head. "S'okay, baby, s'okay…"

He cries into her shirt. He certainly _feels_ like a baby, just crying in front of his mom. He was twelve now, he shouldn't be crying so much. He tries to think about the rest of the day in order to cheer himself up, but with his new knowledge, the whole day just felt sour.

He pushes himself up, wipes his tears with the back of his hands. The first thing question:"You knew?"

She smiles sadly and nods bitterly. His mother runs her fingers through his hair, looking at everywhere at his face but his eyes.

He shakes his head, "why didn't you tell me?"

She waits a moment before responding. "I wanted to spare you." Her voice sounds a little higher than normal.

Shaun doesn't like how she said 'spare'. His stomach churns. He pushes her hands away. He looks at her now. He wants her to see how mad he is. But then he sees her face, and she looks more scared than _he_ was.

Without another word, Shaun hops off the couch. Before Elenora can stop him, he opens the door out and heads for his treehouse.

He hears her call after him, but he doesn't want to come back.


	3. Ohm's Law

_'I wanted to spare you.'_

The phrase sticks in his mind like flypaper.

Shaun climbs up the ladder to his treehouse. It's at the end of the cul-de-sac, surrounded by other settler's houses and shops. When he's at the top, he shuts the trap door. He closes the curtains and flips on an electric switch that lights up the whole tree.

Shaun looks around at his hideout since the last time he's been here. On the low end-table, there's a ham radio in the corner that he's tweaked himself, and he tunes into the Diamond City radio station. " _Accent-tchu-ate the positive, eee-liimmm-mate the negative_ …"

Shaun plops down on his sleeping bag, zipping it down so he can get in. He scoots his sleeping bag to the corner of the treehouse, burrowing himself in.

He feels like he's boiling. He knows why his mom hid that thing on the top shelf in Red Rocket. Far from where _he_ could find it.

He figures his mom would follow him to the treehouse right away, but she doesn't. That's when he realizes he _wants_ her to find him, so he waits longer. Ten minutes go by. But she still hadn't come. That was surprising to him. She always came to see him when he got upset about anything. His chest ached.

He can picture his mom waking up MacCready, telling him that he was in on the biggest secret of his life. He can picture his mom freaking out, and a little pang of gilt forms in the pit of his stomach. For as upset as he was, he still takes the time to wonder if she was okay.

That was another thing—should he even call her mom anymore? He wants to, but that holotape phrase sticks in his mind like flypaper. ' _Reprogrammed to believe he's your son_'. He feels nauseous.

A little buzz comes through in the room. " _Hello_?"

He peaks through a little hole in his sleeping bag, peeking at what made the noise. He wipes his eyes. "Mom?"

He sits up. Then he notices it's coming from his radio. There's a voice coming through. Not a song, or radio announcer. A voice.

He waits in silence. The radio only playing static. Then—

" _Hello? Can...hear me? This is Ohm's Law_ …." The voice buzzed in and out of the frequency like someone was rapidly changing the volume. " _I'm trying to contact... again, I lost contact…_ "

Ohm's Law? Shaun knew what that was; Sturges taught him about it. Interest peaks in him. He sits up, waits if she'll say anything else.

" _Is this Acadia? Darn it, darn it… don't fizzle out…_ "

He gets up, fiddling with the radio knobs for a moment to clarify her voice. He puts the microphone up to his lips so he can say something back. "Hello?" He asks, a little nervous. He's tried to reach other settlements before, but it never worked in the past. Nobody's contacted him before.

A hopeful voice comes back." _Hello? Is this DiMA_?"

Shaun shakes his head, but the gesture is lost. "Um. No. Who is this?"

There's a pause. " _This isn't DiMA_?"

He presses the button to speak, "no." He thinks for a moment, and then asks; "who's DiMA?"

" _He's a_ …." She doesn't answer back for a while. Static on the other side. " _He's a synth_?"

Shaun raises his eyebrows, he answers back, "a synth?"

Ohm's Law waits for a moment to respond. " _I'm trying to contact Acadia. What settlement is this_?"

"Sanctuary, the Minutemen base," Shaun trips over the words so suddenly he doesn't even think to lie. He's supposed to not talk to strangers. But something is sort of cool about it; talking to someone on a radio frequency, someone who knew circuitry, who wanted to talk to synths. He wonders who DiMA is.

" _Sanctuary? Darn it, I thought…. I was trying to get this signal from up north again, my radio was wa-ay off. Sorry, I'll let you go_ …"

"Wait!" Shaun says, "Who is this?"

" _Ohm's Law_ ," the voice buzzes back.

"Is that like your code name?" he asks, "the circuitry thing?"

The girl on the other side huffs. " _You… you know about Ohm's Law_?"

"Yeah, Sturges teaches me all about those sorts of things," Shaun says. He hesitates, but asks, "who's up north?"

Ohm's Law fazes for a minute. " _Um. A group of synth refugees. I first spoke with them yesterday, I've been trying to get back in contact with them again, but my radio is acting up…"_

"You're a synth?" Shaun asks the same way he would if they were budding over a Grognak comic. 'You like Grognak, too?'

She sighs, " _That's the thing—I don't know_."

"Oh."

" _Yeah. They've just… well, they asked me these questions. And I've been realizing how off everything has always felt_ ," she says. " _You know? Like I don't belong here… or there's someplace else I should be_."

Shaun nods, "Yeah. I understand that."

" _You do_?"

Shaun explains he's a synth, which is hard for him being such new info. But whoever this woman was, she doesn't seem to mind at all.

After he's told her this, there's a pregnant pause. Then—" _My name is Kasumi. Kasumi Nakano_."

"Nice to meet you, Kasumi," he smiles. "I'm Shaun Clarke."

" _Well, Acadia… The synth place? They're trying to build a place for their kind. Where they can be themselves and be accepted for what they are. That sounds nice, don't you think_?"

"Yeah, it does," he agrees.

" _How… How old are you? You sound really young_."

"Twelve," he says. "How old are you?"

" _Nineteen_ ," she answers back. Silence for a beat. Then two. " _I've never had someone to talk to about this. This is really strange. Hey, can I ask you a question?_ "

"Okay."

" _If you were me_ ," Kasumi asks. " _Would you go_?"

He doesn't know. So that's what he tells her.

A long break of static between them. " _Okay_ ," she sounds disappointed. " _Well, I guess I should go_."

"Oh," he says, a little bummed. He shakes his head. "Can I talk to you later?"

" _I guess… I'll be on the frequency tomorrow, okay_?"

"Okay! When you get back, can we talk about the synth refugee again?"

" _Sure_."

"One more question?"

" _What_?"

"What's the place called?"

" _Acadia. It's on an island in Maine called Far Harbor_."

* * *

Shaun lays in silence on his sleeping bag for a while. He thinks about her question, and if he would go to a synth refuge. A part of him really wants to. He thinks it would be cool to meet other people like him. He would want to ask them how they dealt with finding out, and if they ever felt strange before they finally found out.

He thinks about his mom now. What would she say about all of it? Would she want him to go? Probably not. He's not even allowed to go to Red Rocket without supervision. No way would she let him go to Maine.

Maine. He tries to imagine how far away that would be. Would it be like when mom and MacCready went to get Duncan? They were gone for a couple of weeks on that trip. Maybe Preston had a map of the wasteland he could borrow.

Thinking of his mom puts him back in his situation, his new reality. Suddenly, guilt forms in the base of his stomach. He's never fought with his mom on anything.

The treehouse felt cold. He shivers and grabs his pillow, and climbs down his treehouse. He walks back to his house, and into his parent's room.

Elenora is awake, he can see her eyes a little in the dim light. MacCready is holding her.

"Mom?" he whispers.

She leans up, "you okay, honey?"

He shakes his head. "Can I sleep with you?"

Elenora scoots towards MacCready's side, and Shaun snuggles up next to her. She kisses his hair.

There are a few moments of silence between them. "Mommy?" he asks. He doesn't know if he's ever called her 'mommy' before now.

"Yes, darling." She says it so quietly he can barely hear her.

Tears start to come out of his eyes, he whimpers a little. She squeezes him tight. "Am I not really twelve? Am I still ten?"

There's a pause. "You're twelve," she sounds so tired. "You're twelve, baby, don't worry."

He doesn't feel any better. She kisses him again, and he buries his face in his mom's shirt. "I don't feel twelve," he murmurs.

"We can talk about it in the morning," she says. "I promise. Now go to sleep, sweet boy. I love you so much."

He nods, sniffling. But he can't go to sleep, even after she had fallen asleep. He can hear MacCready sleeping, too. And he thinks he can hear Duncan sleeping across the hall. He wonders about Acadia for so long that decides that when Kasumi asked if he wanted to go, he gave her the wrong answer.

Not, _I don't know_. Now it was, _Yes. Why wouldn't you?_


	4. Past is Prologue

When he wakes up the next morning in his parent's bedroom, both his mom and MacCready are gone. He can hear the muted noise of Sanctuary from the open window, and some clanking coming from the kitchen. Shaun awoke with a knot deep in his stomach. His head ached terribly, and every one of his teeth hurt. With the weight of yesterday's events still on his mind, he gingerly swings his legs over the mattress, and wobbles down the hallway.

MacCready is working on the countertop, placing a pot of coffee on a hot plate. He notices Shaun stalling in the hallway and calls him over. "Hey, bud. You hungry?"

Shaun rubs his eyes and walks over to the countertop, pulling himself onto a stool. "Where's Duncan?"

MacCready tells him that he's still asleep as he pulls out a bowl from the counter, grabbing a box of sugar bombs—Shaun's favorite—and pours Brahmin milk over the top, then passes the cereal to Shaun.

"How'd you sleep?" he asks.

Shaun murmurs a simple 'okay' and pops a spoonful in his mouth. Chews. Swallows. And asks, "Did you know, too?"

There's a charge in the air. MacCready sighs, leaning back on the counter. "Yeah, I did."

Shaun blinks. _Who else knows I'm a synth and lied to me about it?_ "You were there when the Institute got destroyed, right?"

The Institute's destruction was on his mind today. He dreamt about it last night, and the memories felt weird to look back on now.

MacCready says, "Yeah, I helped get you out while your mom was taking care of business."

He remembers that. Now that he thinks about it, it's one of his first few memories he actually _can_ remember. His mom had to leave somewhere...and MacCready stayed with him in the teleporter room to calm him down. "What was mom doing? She never told me."

"Ah. Well," he rubs his eyes, shifting his feet. "She was talking to Father, Shaun."

So… his mom talked to Father only a few moments before he died. Why? What did they talk about? He looks down at his cereal. "Oh, okay."

Shaun keeps eating, but then he goes, "Why didn't you guys tell me earlier? Did you think I couldn't handle it or something?"

MacCready rubs his neck, "Well, to be honest Shaun, a couple weeks after we were home together I just forgot. And after Duncan came here, it just felt sorta natural to not think about it."

Shaun furrows his brow, his heart feels like there's someone squeezing on it. He shoves another spoonful in his mouth.

It felt natural to not _think_ about it? What a _cop out._

* * *

Every other day, Shaun had lessons with Curie. He wanders over to Sanctuary's greenhouse by himself, happy to get to see her. He's always loved her lessons. So far, she's given him lessons on French and medicine, but he likes botany days like this the most. He's always really enjoyed the greenhouse. The air always smelled nice, it was usually more quiet, and he liked helping with the plants. Something about it reminds him of living in the Institute. Less clean, but way more fun.

Curie was already inside the greenhouse, assisting some settlers with the new strain of mutfruit she was working on. Shaun closes the door behind him, leaving his bag on the table along the rows of pots and gardening tools.

Curie spots him from the door, " _Mon étudiant_!"

Shaun smiles, despite his sour mood, and walks up to her. "Hey, Curie!"

Curie sticks her gardening gloves in her lab coat pocket, and comes to give him a hug. "Ah, _mon dieu_! How does it feel to be twelve?"

"The same," he says. He looks at his toes dejectedly. "Um. What are we doing today?"

"Ah," she moves over to a healthily growing mutfruit tree. "We're talking about mutfruit. I have developed a way to improve the properties of stimpaks through the sugar compounds in the fruit. And I need your help with the stimpaks today."

He helps Curie pick the fruit to bring it back to her lab. While he picks out mutfruit, Curie asks him about his ongoing tinkering projects.

"...And did you ever finish that modification you were making for Preston?" Curie asks as they are walking back to her lab, buckets filled with mutfruit. Her voice goes a bit higher when she says Preston's voice.

"Oh, yeah! Preston really liked it," he says. Then he adds, "He gave me _thirty_ caps!"

"Preston is very kind," Curie nods, a smile curling on her lips.

Shaun picks up on this immediately. He elbows her side just a bit, and Curie blushes madly. "Oh, hush," she says rolling her eyes. Shaun bursts into laughter, he always thought Preston and Curie would be cute together. The way they flirted suggested maybe something could happen someday.

Curie's lab was a small little cottage, stuffed between two houses. In the front of the lab grew two bushes of wild hubflowers. In the back grew some of Curie's personal experiments, corn stalks and tato plants (for personal studies in genetics). Inside was a slew of tools, a working microscope and a radio that was always buzzing Diamond City Radio.

Shaun trailed behind Curie as she set down the bucket of mutfruit on her table. He takes a seat at the counter.

Mostly, he watches as she worked, explaining herself as she goes. He puts his elbows on her counter, hands in his face, watching as she dissects mutfruit and she talks about her process.

On any other day, he's sure he'd be watching intently, maybe asking if he can help. But today, he's not in the mood. He keeps thinking back to last night. The memory forms like a broken record in his mind's eye.

Then Curie looks at him expectantly, like she's waiting for an answer.

Shaun blinks, "What'd you say?"

"Hm," Curie says. "Platelet growth is not exciting enough?" she jokes.

He shakes his head, rubbing his eye. Usually he was more on-the-ball about this stuff, "Sorry, Miss Curie."

She nods, "everything alright?"

Shaun hesitates to answer. And then he realizes Curie might be the perfect person to talk to about this. "Hey, Curie? Was it... hard going from a Miss Nanny to a synth?"

She smiles shyly, " Oui . I had the most hard time learning the most basic parts of being human. Remembering to breathe, the new sensation of smell . All very new. And very exciting...if not frightening."

He's never thought about that before. "Did you ever feel out of place with everyone else?"

She nods. "Some people can only think of me as when I first arrived in Sanctuary as a Miss Nanny, so I must ignore them. But for the most part, it has been a nice transition. I admit, I have much catching up to do. But I quite enjoy the excitement of it all. And beyond that, Sanctuary has become a good place to learn."

"I guess," Shaun says, resting his head on his hand.

"You disagree?"

"No," Shaun defends, sitting up straight. "I like Sanctuary, but… Curie, don't you ever wonder if there's a better way out there? With lots of of synths so you don't have to feel out of place?"

Curie shrugs, and wipes her hands on her lab coat. "That's an interesting question. From what what I know about the nature of synths, they were made to be exactly like humans. I'm not sure more synths in a settlement would make much of a difference from an entirely human one."

He frowns. It wasn't the answer he was hoping for. He wanted Curie to say she did want that. If someone he trusted thought it was a good idea, he'd feel better about wanting it so badly. Shaun sighs, "Well—"

A knock on the lab door interrupts him. He swivels in his stool and opening the door is Preston. Garvey stands up straighter, smiling nervously, and takes his hat off. He looks between Shaun and Curie. "Ah! Um. Sorry, am I interrupting?"

"Monsieur Garvey!" Curie smiles, her face brightens. "Please come in."

Preston walks over to the counter to give him a fist-bump, "How's it going, Shaun?"

Curie looks back to Shaun, "I'm sorry, what were you going to say?"

Shaun opens his mouth to tell her but feels like he's lost the courage to. "Nothing, it's not important." He hops off his stool, and looks between the two adults. "Can I head home early today?"

Curie's smile wilts slightly. "Of course, and next time we'll work on the prototypes, yes?"

Shaun promises, and heads out of the lab.

As he's leaving, he can begin to hear Preston asking Curie out tonight.

* * *

Elenora was out on general duties for most of the day, so Shaun couldn't talk to her even if he wanted to.

Shaun stayed in his room, he flipped lazily through a Tesla Science Magazine trying to distract himself but it wasn't working so well.

He hears his bedroom door _cree-eak_ open. Looking up, he sees Duncan entering quietly, hands behind his back as he approaches the foot of his bed.

Shaun closes the magazine, suspicious by how quiet he was. "What's up, Dunc?"

Duncan rocks on the heels of his feet, then reveals a smushed box of Fancy Lads to him. "I heard from daddy you were upset, so I brought you these."

Shaun takes the box, peering inside. Three left. Shaun pats the mattress, and Duncan climbs up. Shaun passes him a snack-cake, and they chew on the sugary morsels together.

Duncan takes a large bite—crumbs falling everywhere—and says through a stuffed mouth, "Why are you so upset?"

Shaun sighs, shrugging his shoulders. "I dunno," he murmurs. He looks at his knees. "Grown-up stuff, Dunc."

Duncan pouts his lip, "But you tell me everything."

Well, Shaun _did_ want to tell Duncan. Honestly, he just wanted to let someone know how he felt. Usually, he'd talk to his mom about this sort of thing. But his mom was the reason he couldn't talk to her.

"I don't feel like talking about it yet," Shaun explains.

Duncan looks hurt, "oh, okay."

Shaun adds quickly, "I'll tell you eventually though, okay?"

Duncan smiles, nodding. Then he goes, "do you wanna build a fort?"

Count on Duncan to know how to cheer him up. In half an hour, they had built a nice blanket fort in the space between their twin beds. Colorful blankets draped all over their room, and music from D.C radio filled up the space as Shaun and Duncan tied the ends of blankets from chairs to bed posts.

They were reading comics in the middle of their fortress for about an hour before someone knocks on the door.

"Shaun— _oh_!"

Duncan lifts up a blanket fold to see Elenora at the door. Duncan scrambles up off the floor to her, and Elenora leans down to give him a hug, and kisses his cheek. "Hi, monkey! You must've had a fun afternoon."

"We made a fort, but there's rules." Duncan says. "No mungos."

Elenora scoffs, "Oh, I see. Is Shaun in there, too?"

Shaun peaks his head out, and looks up at her. Elenora's eyes catch on him, and she smiles weakly at him. Elle looks at Duncan and whispers, "Can I talk to your brother alone for a minute?"

Duncan gives her a good strong nod, and as he's leaving, says, "don't let her in our fort."

"Okay," Shaun laughs.

Duncan exits, and Shaun climbs out of the fort to face his mom. They stare at each other for a moment.

An awkward beat. "C'mon, let's go for walk," she says, nudging her head towards the door.

* * *

Shaun and his mom walk along the perimeter of Sanctuary, along the watchtowers and the steadily puttering turrets. Shaun stares at his striped shirt, fiddling with a loose string coming undone.

"You must have some questions," his mom says intently. "Did you...want to talk about anything?"

Shaun nods, and he can't help but feel the growing knot in his stomach. "Um. Yeah...I have a question. But I don't know how to ask it," he says.

"You can take your time, sweetheart."

Shaun takes a deep breath, and says it exactly how he's pictured it in his head. "Um. Who...who was the real Shaun?"

Elenora stops in her tracks, eyes raised at him. "What?"

Shaun bites his lip, his heart is racing. "Well. Mr. Valentine told me and Duncan once that he was a person before he was a synth. And lots of times, synths are copies of people so I just figured." He says quickly. His face feels hot. "Did you...ever get to meet him?"

It takes a moment to regain herself. Elenora wraps an arm around his shoulder, and keeps walking. She takes a long, deep breath. "... _Tough_ question, kiddo."

Shaun doesn't say anything, he just waits for her to continue. She says, "do you remember when I told you about...when you were a baby and the bombs fell? And that's when your father and I went into the Vault, and you were taken from us?"

Shaun nods. Mr. Kellogg killed his dad, and he _remembers_ Mr. Kellogg; hanging around his house before he had to teleport back to the Institute. Sometimes his stomach would churn if he thought about how he knew Mr. Kellogg's face better than his own dad.

"And you also know that when I broke into the Institute to find you, you were already ten years old," she continues.

Shaun finishes her sentence, "And then you were so upset so you blew up the Institute and saved the Commonwealth."

Elenora bites her lips, takes a deep breath, and continues. "Right. Well, that's where the story changes."

Shaun looks up at her, eyebrows furrowed. The way she says that, he almost regrets asking his question.

"When I first came to the Institute, who I found…Um. Shaun was a _sixty_ -year-old man who was dying of cancer. You knew him as Father."

Shaun blinks. His head raises, he looks at her, dazed. "What?"

"Well—"

Shaun goes on, "Wait. What? Father was… but he was the Director. He was in charge of everybody, he's the one who made all the synths…slaves," he trails off, reality clicks in for him. He peeps out, no louder than a mouse squeak, "That's… he's _me_?"

"No," his mom says softly. "No. No, absolutely not. Father was… many things. But he's not you."

"I'm the synth of him!" Shaun protests. He feels sick. He walks over the ledge that overlooks the moat and sits down. He places his elbows on his knees, and buries his face in his hands. Elenora goes to sit by him—her hand hovers over his shoulder for a moment—but she rests it on her lap instead.

"You said Father wasn't a good person," he says helplessly. "When we came to Sanctuary, and I asked why you had to destroy the Institute, you told me he was a bad person!" He sniffs, his hands begin to shake, Shaun doesn't want to burst into tears right here, but he feels badly close to doing so. "Why'd you tell me that!"

Shaun has about a million different thoughts going through his head, but the one that sticks out the most is, _if Father was bad and_ I'm _him, does that mean I'm a bad person, too?_

"Shaun, look at me," she tells him. She grabs his shaky hands, "Listen. I know what you're thinking right now, but you could not be more _different_ from Father."

Maybe. But then Shaun wonders if that's just because of his age. Father was sixty years old when he died. Then he thinks if one day _he_ could be sixty. Would he grow up to be cruel, too?

He remembers what MacCready told him at breakfast. Shaun pops his head up, "You talked to him right before he died."

Elenora nods her head slowly. "Yes. He made…" She takes a deep breath, like she's thinking hard on how to say it. "He knew what I was planning to do to the Institute, so he wanted to give you another chance. To live above ground with me."

Elenora bites her lip and stares at her son who looked to be on the verge of tears. "Oh, sweetie," she murmurs, reaching out to touch his face. "It's gonna be okay—"

He moves his head away, "How could you keep that from me?" He demands, standing up. He doesn't cry or scream, his voice is low and simmering with rage. "You waited until I had to ask!"

Waiting for him to ask must've been the easiest way to break it to him. It also felt like the lowest.

"Oh, Shaun," she murmurs. "Sweetie, I didn't know how to."

"You didn't know _how_ to?" Shaun fumes and his voice breaks. He hates the way it squeaks when he's mad.

"Shaun," Elenora's voice is firm and unwavering. "We are going to get through this."

"No we're not!" That's when the tears hit, hard streaks down his face. He hiccups, and rubs his cheek, trying to make the tears stop but trying makes them flow all the more. "This is so messed up!"

He shakes his head, gulping down a sob. Then he just blurts it out, he can't help it. "I… I don't wanna be _here_ anymore," he says. His mom looks shocked, like _she's_ about to cry _too_. Shaun turns his head to finds a couple settlers staring at them. His face feels hot, and he turns on his heels, and begins to break into a run, but bumps into someone, slamming his forehead against their chest.

Shaun looks up, and sees MacCready in front of him. His brows are furrowed and a worried look is on his face. MacCready puts his hands on his shoulders, "Hey, hey. It's okay."

Before he knew he was doing it, Shaun buries his face in MacCready's duster and then begins to really sob. RJ strokes his hair, saying his name over and over. "It's okay, it's okay."

 _No it's not._


End file.
